Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

Find of the Week

Sunday, April 8th, 2012

Frontpage

Advert

Original and unopened item!

A cup of probably still delicious

MAMA noodles

in “Palo-Duck” flavour, still from my pedestrian times, for sale.

I am parting with a heavy heart from this emergency ration!

Because there is no “best before” date on it, the content should still be in an acceptable condition. A must for each gourmet…

The visual deformations of the cup are caused by the momentum.

Product will go for the best offer. In the comment please!!!

Funny which stuff one can find in the store-room ;-)

Translator BL

Crazy Flash XIII

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

Frontpage

Creative Wheelchair Icons

Self-driver or Non-pusher

Seat for Headless

Proud holder of the Wheelchair Swim-again Seahorse Swimming Award

(see older blog)

Therapy Table Loser

–42–

Test Driver

Cheery Wheel Blade Skier

(see older blog)

Professional Apple Juice Tester
Pavement Cleaning Service

Human Rear Drive
Foot Brakeman
Longlife Wheelchair Performance Test
Backward Flyer

If you have other nice symbols e-mail as usual to rollinator@eigude.de

Crazy Flash XII

Saturday, January 21st, 2012

 Frontpage

Hit and Run!

Crazy Flash Part XI

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

Frontpage

Spanish riddle

I`m puzzled, who is allowed to do what on this beach???

Phantastic that there is no wheelchair-symbol posted on this sign!!!

Comments required

Insider Tips for Disabled Parking Place Occupiers

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

Frontpage

It happens again and again that a normal ignorant disabled parking place occupying pedestrian is verbally dissed by some random hobbling or wheelchair driving disabled people, only because he is parking with his Land Rover or Cabriolet on a disabled parking place.

They shouldn’t make such a fuss, they are almost all retired anyway, are paid by the general public and have enough time to look for another parking place.

To avoid such disputes in the future and keep on pursuing his God-given right to unchallengedly park on a disabled parking place, the association of

“European Disabled Parking Place Occupiers”

has released some internal tips for the procedure of

“Blue Parking”.

1. You need a disabled parking permit.

The copying of valid permits should be avoided due to falsification of documents. Laminating of blue papers or blue student ID cards didn’t show the desired success.

It is the easiest to look for a senile relative. If you unfortunately don’t have an ideally comatose granny, a visit in the nearest nursing home is necessary. There you are looking for an inhabitant in a wheelchair with Oldsheimer, for whom you become the so-called disabled parking partner. The necessary handicapped ID with the walking disability entry usually lies in the left drawer of the cabinet. Let the person sign the in the download area available application form, or sign yourself. After approximately 4 weeks you receive by mail a blue valid “parking permit for disabled person”. Then the first step is completed.

2. The correct leaving of the car

When you have parked quasi “legally” on a disabled parking place, you shouldn’t jump out of the car like an 18-year-old and walk away. It all depends on the correct technique in leaving the car, as not to be revealed as non-disabled. Always carry a sad face, or best the model: I am displeased with the whole situation!

How to leave the car “not in perfection” can be watched in the following video from our American member Homer.
He is still getting off too fast, his timing is not right yet. His wailing look in connection with the quite good hobbling appears a bit overacted. This can be improved with a little bit of practice. The variant to park like Homer on several disabled parking places at the same time increases the credibility that one is disabled, but can lead to misinterpretations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWpPUVF5JvU&feature=youtu.be

If all these tips are taken to heart, parking in front of the opera or the town house should always be possible, if not another member of the association is already parking on it.

Translator BL

It happens again and again that a normal ignorant disabled parking place occupying pedestrian is verbally dissed by some random hobbling or wheelchair driving disabled people, only because he is parking with his Land Rover or Cabriolet on a disabled parking place.

They shouldn’t make such a fuss, they are almost all retired anyway, are paid by the general public and have enough time to look for another parking place.

To avoid such disputes in the future and keep on pursuing his God-given right to unchallengedly park on a disabled parking place, the association of

“European Disabled Parking Place Occupiers”

has released some internal tips for the procedure of

“Blue Parking”.

1. You need a disabled parking permit.

The copying of valid permits should be avoided due to falsification of documents. Laminating of blue papers or blue student ID cards didn’t show the desired success.

It is the easiest to look for a senile relative. If you unfortunately don’t have an ideally comatose granny, a visit in the nearest nursing home is necessary. There you are looking for an inhabitant in a wheelchair with Oldsheimer, for whom you become the so-called disabled parking partner. The necessary handicapped ID with the walking disability entry usually lies in the left drawer of the cabinet. Let the person sign the in the download area available application form, or sign yourself. After approximately 4 weeks you receive by mail a blue valid “parking permit for disabled person”. Then the first step is completed.

2. The correct leaving of the car

When you have parked quasi “legally” on a disabled parking place, you shouldn’t jump out of the car like an 18-year-old and walk away. It all depends on the correct technique in leaving the car, as not to be revealed as non-disabled. Always carry a sad face, or best the model: I am displeased with the whole situation!

How to leave the car “not in perfection” can be watched in the following video from our American member Homer.
He is still getting off too fast, his timing is not right yet. His wailing look in connection with the quite good hobbling appears a bit overacted. This can be improved with a little bit of practice. The variant to park like Homer on several disabled parking places at the same time increases the credibility that one is disabled, but can lead to misinterpretations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWpPUVF5JvU&feature=youtu.be

If all these tips are taken to heart, parking in front of the opera or the town house should always be possible, if not another member of the association is already parking on it.

Translator BL

 

Crazy Flash Part X

Sunday, November 6th, 2011

Frontpage

That a 40 year old wheelchair user is put on the scrap heap is more than just a rumour, especially if you receive a pension.

On inquiry at the travel agency about possible assistance at the holiday destination I was referred to a

Service for Elderly People

German Nursing Service

That gave me something to think about…

Addendum 2 Chock X

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Frontpage

As mentioned, even the white orthosis was at some stage finalized, and I left the hospital.
The great thing with this kind of orthosis is that you can bend your leg. Therefore you are quite mobile in the flat because you can sit in your own wheelchair. The leg should be rested in an elevated position as much as possible, which I realize with two flower stools and a cushion. The transfer to bed, shower… is ok.
With the rented

“Tank Wheelchair”,

in which you are supposed to drive with outstretched leg, independent navigation even in the flat is not possible for me.
This thing makes no headway, and it doesn’t have hand rim coats either.
Furthermore with this size I would need a new set of furniture after two weeks. A transfer to the bed is very critical, even with a second person.
A trip outside with pusher can’t be expected from anyone. At the

White Orthosis

the finetuning was still missing. Now it fits ;-)

Translator BL

Crazy Flash Part IX

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

Frontpage

It is often claimed that women cannot park and men cannot find the butter in the fridge!!!

I leave this theory uncommented.

After years of intensive studies of human behaviour I came to the statistic, scientifically provable result that women predominantly feel the desire for champagne and wine, whereas men, no matter from which parts of the country they are, can’t resist the temptation of a weiss beer.

The visual similarity of a

weiss beer glass with a Y chromosome

is striking.
I additionally support this theory crystal-clear with the fact that wine and champagne glasses rather resemble an X chromosome.
This evolutionary association is more than obvious.

With this irrevocable fact I strive for reference at the “Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences“ in Stockholm!

Translator BL

Cool Thing !!!

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

Frontpage

Biblis of the Alps

(Biblis is an old nuclear plant in Germany)

The decision for nuclear phase out was taken, we all have to save energy.

Innovative ideas are wanted!!!

The Bavarian alp cows are setting a good example.

Ingeniously simple, a solar powered electric fence. Hopefully the originator has already patented it.

 Thanks to a big soft drink company for the generous donation of a special casing and semiautomatic transport cart.

The company P. is seriously active in the area of solar power.

Translator BL

 

Hand cycle boot camp Part II

Friday, August 26th, 2011

Frontpage

“McDonald’s”, a town in Bavaria???

(sign points to an underpass)

Wheelchair crossing???

I reach such a high speed with cycling that my wife can walk next to me.

Testbericht neuartiges Rolli-Lenksystem

Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

Sorry, this entry is only available in Deutsch.

Technical Aids Tips und Tricks XLI

Tuesday, July 26th, 2011

Frontpage

After a few months in the hospital you get on rather friendly terms with nurses and physicians.

Of course a little piece of humour belongs to it as well.

If one as quadriplegic (spinal injury in the cervical area) like me can’t use arms and hands in an efficient way any more, spaghetti are not the favourite type of pasta.

One day the nurse came with the lunch, it was spaghetti, put it on my bedside table and was waiting for my comment if he could cut the pasta for me.

He was waiting for the comment in vain. I tried to eat these long objects by myself, have to see it sportingly, luckily I was not hungry…

It was a perfect show!!!

At some time a physician came into the room and watched this scenario with the pasta and me slightly grinning, but didn’t propose to cut the pasta neither, and I wasn’t keen on asking her.

I said to her that next time when the food is spaghetti again I would be motorised. I would only need two tie wraps to fix a fork. But had the suspicion that my milk frother would be a little bit too fast. We both had some fun. She didn’t seriously believe the thing about motorisation.

I only thought: You don’t know me!!!

Have a look yourself, one week later the

9,5 Volt Spaghetti Tetra Fork

About risks and generated injuries please contact your physician, nurse or nearest do-it-yourself-store staff.

Addendum: Construction manual for spaghetti tetra bit by popular request.

Saw a standard fork off and forge it flat. Really flat.

Saw approx. 5 cm off an M6 Allen key and weld it lengthwise to the fork stump. Not to the tine, I know it can happen!!!

Polish the welding seam with a one hand angle grinder. If possible keep a little bit of the welding.

Balance the bit at low speed on a drill press with a rubber mallet like a car tyre. Placing additional weight is not absolutely necessary.

Buy a cordless electric screwdriver with very low rotation speed, otherwise the special fork can be used to whip cream.

Boil spaghetti, and it’s done.

Safety instruction: Don’t start screwdriver with fork brought into the mouth, otherwise only the dentist will be happy.

Have fun with dotting your flat red!

Translator BL

(Deutsch) Rollifahrer-Seepferdchen

Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

Rollator Part I

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

Frontpage

As wheelchair user I have neglected the subject of rollators or walkers a little bit until now. During my journeys through the depth of the internet I have discovered some especially beautiful types:

Parlour Trolley “Push Me!”

Golf Rollator Type “Get the Ball”

Special Edition “Father’s Day”

Skate Rollator “Schuhmacher”

Special Type “Vettel 80″

My Favourite “Sankt Pauli”

Cleany 3000


The parlour trolley is for sale under a different name.

Translator BL

Do-it-yourself Nuclear Phase-Out

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

Frontpage

Breed 4,6 billion of hamsters.

So many rodents you would have to keep to replace a nuclear power plant. Each animal would have to get through a daily stint of 4 hours in the treadmill. We owe this finding to the British student Peter Ash as well as his

Hamster Elvis

It is driving with its wheel a dynamo (see movie), to recharge Peter’s mobile phone. If this is not a marketing gag Elvis has trotted at least to the output power of 1,3 watt of a recharger.

We wheelchair users can do this as well:

We are spinning the wheel the whole day long.

Should we follow the example of the hamster, mount a generator to the wheelchair and feed the generolled power into the electricity grid?

If we wheelchair users are spinning the wheel together we would be doing something good for the environment day-to-day!

How about the slogan:

Handicap Power, from guaranteed accessible cultivation!

OK, the time has come now, you can institutionalize me!

Translator BL