Archive for December, 2009

Blasphemie

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Wir schreiben den 28. Dezember im Jahre des Herren 2009.

Der Geistestransfer wird mittels bücherähnlichen Kästen vollzogen und ist nun auch dem gemeinen Volke zugängig.

Das die Uhren bei den Angelsachsen (Engländern) ein wenig anders ticken (teilweise bis zu einer Stunde) ist ja nichts neues.
Aber dieses Inselvolk hat in unentschuldbarer Weise anscheinend das Weihnachtsfest 2009 verschlafen, abgeschafft, oder Weihnachten 2010 vorgezogen.

Diese Behauptung untermauere ich mit dieser mir heute zugestellten

“Depesche.”

Jetzt ist es Zeit

vor Weihnachten.

Die Transportsarbeit des Flugzeuges ist viel und schwerig,deswegen dauert es ein bisschen laenger als frueher. Bitte um Verstaendnis. Und frohe Weihnachten

Ich verlange eine gründliche Untersuchung dieses schändlichen

“Frevels”,

durch die


„Heilige Inquisition“

28.12.2009
Rollinator

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

img_6214-rollinator-b

Wheelchair Tuning I

Friday, December 18th, 2009

For each ambitious frequent traveller a

bicycle tachometer with mileage counter

on the wheelchair is a must.

It does make sense to let the Automobile Association know the kilometre on the highway in case of a defect on the wheelchair ;-)

I guess the pills are already working.

Never, no, no, never ever

you should have the idea like me to install a bicycle tachometer on your wheelchair which is working

radio-based

(at least supposedly) unless you are under psychological counselling at that time.

This device has almost converted me to

believe in Voodoo.

I won’t comment on the fact why the part is sold as solar driven and two batteries are enclosed.

This tachometer had an integrated

So-what-or-I-am-annoying-you mechanism. .

After a couple of hours the tachometer was fixed on the wheelchair, adjusted, programmed, and finally seemed to

work.

The next morning I was sitting on my dining table and had breakfast.

Now check it out:
The display started to

“run wild”

Believe it or not, I have covered a distance of

21 Kilometres (a half marathon)

while consuming

two pieces of toast.

Unimaginable what would have happened if there would have been an egg on top.
When I moved away from my dining table

one meter

everything was OK again!
When I turned out the

dining room light

I could move to my table again without any bugging of the tachometer.

I am a professional electronic technician and felt the inner desire to return my craft certificate to the chamber of commerce when it wasn’t possible for me to get a bicycle tachometer

working.

Four possibilities remained:

1. In future have breakfast in the dark or not at all.
2. Ignore the tachometer, or dispense it at a recycling site.
3. Contact the supplier and explain the issue.
4. Register myself at the Paralympics, it could be true?!

I discovered that the electronic transformer with its phase angle modulated power (even I have learnt something once during my apprenticeship) of the

dining room halogen lamps

was disturbing the wireless transmission of the tachometer.

Something like this should not effect the wireless transmission over 60 cm.
The mistake is not caused by my lamp.
But who would drive his bike in his apartment around his dining table?
Probably nobody has noticed it yet.

I think the technician of the supplier, whom I had on the phone, is still

laughing/crying.

Now I have a tachometer without wireless LAN which is working well.

For the truth of the story I stake with my right front wheel.

Translator BL

Technical Aids Tips and Tricks II

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

The transport of items of all kind is horror for us wheelers, especially if they are round!
Thighs are completely unsuitable for carrying pomaceous fruit.
The high art of German engineering has brought it to light after years of research:

the plum transport box for wheelers

dscf0093b

The resemblance with an egg carton is misleading!

Translator BL

 

Rollirucksack Part I

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

Der Rollirucksack ist vergleichbar mit der Handtasche einer Frau.
Er ist das inoffizielle Heiligtum des Fahrers.
Die Inhalte sind außer uns Rollifahrern, nur

Taubstummen Mönchen aus dem Himalaja

 


bekannt.
Warum fast jeder Rollifahrer einen:

Gliedermaßstab, Metermeter 2m (ehemalig Zollstock),

dscf0116b

mit sich herumfährt, wo man selten über 1,40m Sitzhöhe kommt,
ist einfach.
Mit ihm wird das

Meckermaß

ermittelt.
Zahlen sind wichtig, bei Beschwerden aller Art:

Wie hoch sind die Bordsteine?
Wie breit die Türen?
Wie tief das Schlagloch vor der Tür,
kann ich darin ertrinken?

Ok, es bringt einen nicht sofort weiter,
wenn man misst und feststellt,
dass es nicht möglich ist,
an den Aufzugsknopf zu kommen!!!

Tipp:
Nach der Messung kann dann der Metermeter
zum Drücken des Knopfes verwendet werden. ;-)

Derzeit werden moderne Laser-Metermeter mit “Wireless LAN” erprobt, mit denen die Messergebnisse direkt an den zuständigen Behindertenbeauftragten weitergeleitet werden können.

Quadriplegic Tips Part IX

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

I dare to state globally that there are no

wheelers which are not exempt from paying TV licensing fee

in Germany.
Due to this fact the program is probably that bad. I confess myself guilty as program Grinch.
Never mind.
We quadriplegics probably don’t pay any TV licensing fee just because we don’t manage it anyway to hold such a high gloss TV guide, let alone to pick the magazine up. Therefore it happens again and again that due to lack of knowledge we are watching a

scripted reality show

on private TV, instead of

The love life of grapevine snails


on the documentary channel.

With a big

binder clip

img_6168c

from the stationery shop around the corner, the basic right for

TV program knowledge

should be provided again.
Alternatively I can offer a do-it-yourself course with a hole puncher and a key chain.

Now you shouldn’t miss the next episode of Mc Gyver again.

Translator BL

 

Quadriplegic Tips Part VIII

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

It is in the nature of the quadriplegics that we are spreading chaos all the time. Paper is lying around everywhere. To file the paper piles reasonably I am introducing the world’s first:

tie wrap fishing hanging files

Translator BL

 

Technical Aids Tips and Tricks I

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

I am user of a

bed designer monkey bar

which I can’t do without.
I have cushioned it with the common sanitary rubber foam for water pipes from the do-it-yourself store.
This tip is an “old hat“.
If you then additionally fix a super-strong round

Ikea magnet

to the bars and hang the monkey bar on to it, it doesn’t
dangle around
in front of your face any more.

Translator BL

 

QuadriplegicTips Part VII

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

I have made all the time

Crash tests

with my new telephones.

Quite robust these things. :-)

A bit of double-faced adhesive tape and my beloved

non-slip reel

(see older blogpost) can work miracles….

Strong like a tiger, clever like Mc Gyver!

Translator BL

 

Quadriplegic Tips Part VI

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Everybody who once had a plaster cast knows this

blue adhesive wrapping tape .

It you wrap it around things like e.g. a bottle this virtually sticks to the hand.
For me who constantly drops things due to the paralysis of my fingers this tape is just brilliant!

For those who don’t like blue the tape is available in red as well ;-)

Translator BL

 

Quadriplegic Tips Part V

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Although I can’t open a yoghurt cup any more with my fingers, I can still smash it up!!! ;-)

In this

clamp

you can put cutlery.
This makes it possible, even without finger function, to eat independently with spoon and fork again.

Enjoy your meal!

The cutlery holder is available at medical supply shops, but can also be self-made rather easily. It can be individually adjusted with velcro tape.

Translator BL

 

Quadriplegic Tips Part IV

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

With this shaver holder composed of a piece of foamed material with hole, available in handicraft shops, coated with non-slip reel of the company
Dycem, many people with restricted motor functions can shave themselves again.

Always shave well, or let yourself shave:
With a full beard it’s likely to entangle in the driving wheels of the wheelchair!
;-)

Translator BL

 

(Deutsch) Indernett funtstüg där wochä II

Monday, December 14th, 2009

对不起,此内容只适用于Deutsch

Quadriplegic Tips Part III

Friday, December 11th, 2009

Everybody who knew me before my accident knows that I have been a rather

”spiritual” person.

In the hospital I wasn‘t able any more to open a bottle of

hop blossom ice tea

(cold beer) due to lack of power.
My colleagues had sympathy with my situation and constructed this special opener type:

ASIFLENGHTISNOTIMPORTANT!

The opener is also excellently suitable as extension for Allen wrenches if the screws on the wheelchair are lose again.

Translator BL

lose sind.

Quadriplegic Tips Part II

Friday, December 11th, 2009

That we quadriplegics are fixing key rings, tie wraps and tapes to each and everything is nothing new, but you probably haven’t seen this before ;-)

Translator BL